Alexis blogs

As long as I’m starting the blog off right with posts about things I’m embarrassingly ignorant of/incompetent at (got to make a good impression), allow me to get something off my chest.

I don’t know the Beatles.

Not well, anyway. I could perhaps identify a few songs of theirs. For about half of those songs, I know the tune but not the lyrics. The other half: The lyrics but not the tune. I know who John Lennon was and what happened to him (because of “Mr. Holland’s Opus”), and I know who Ringo Starr is (because he has a cool name and has been on “The Daily Show”), and I think I know the other two guys’ names, but I won’t mention them here because if I get them wrong, I’ll be in trouble. I know I could identify them on TV because they had funny hairstyles and labeled their drum set. There are, of course, numerous references to them in our culture, many of which I can pinpoint. In fact, one of my favorite Barenaked Ladies songs is “Be My Yoko Ono.”

However, I have come to realize that ignorance of the Beatles is socially unacceptable. When I hear a song I don’t know and ask what it is, I can always tell it’s the Beatles from the dumbfounded/appalled stare I receive in response. This, what I call “The Beatle Effect,” is perhaps tripled when I make the mistake of not immediately liking whatever song of theirs I hear. When such a thing occurs in the presence of friends, I may ask, “What the hell is this?” Quite innocently, of course.

I asked that question today at work, and my friends were powerless against the Beatle Effect. One threw a bottle cap (and missed me by three feet). Another pointed at me and declared, “Don’t make me come over there!” which I suppose was a threat, although it did come from a fairly skinny fellow who studies law.

I know there is a super-duper ultimate Beatles CD set that I could simply buy and use to educate myself against the wrath of the Beatle Effect. Because of a conversation that took place in the middle of class today between my professor and another student, I know that this CD set has loads of special features that would help me learn the story of the Beatles. I could use the video component to learn to identify the name and face of each Beatle. If there are lyrics in the liner notes, I could use them to clarify any unclear words (warning: audio link, not for classrooms or computer labs) and memorize the classics.

I fear, however, that if I educate myself, learn the names, learn the songs, I may become guilty of a far worse crime: What if I don’t like the Beatles?

Would disliking them be better or worse than not knowing them? Would I become an even greater aberration than I already am? Would my friend with the bottle cap improve his aim?

These questions trouble me. Because you know what? I have heard a few Beatles songs, and I thought they were just OK.

(Please don’t hurt me.)